A Note for My Fellow Widows on Valentine's Day

Once you have been thoroughly loved, you are forever a reflection of that same quality of love. There is absolutely no way that death can dissolve this, in fact, it can actually zoom in & enlarge it, magnifying it for everyone to see and to feel.

The point of grief is this - How can you remain open? How can you allow this love to flow through you still & out into the world?

There is a great burden to losing someone you share this type of love with - that is undeniable. But can you grow your heart enough for it to hold the ache & the love simultaneously? Can you share the gift of this expanded love with others without letting it break you?

I was never a Valentines gal. I used to scoff at it, saying it was just an excuse for consumerism & performative love.

And then I met a sweet man, who somehow made it mean something. I don’t know exactly how, but he made me love this day.

A romantic naturally at heart, he didn't need to do anything flashy. I guess he saw today as another excuse to practice small, simple acts of tangible love. Oh, and often corny words that made me laugh & melt! I have never met anyone who has this same ability to be so direct & disarming in his vulnerability.

Our last Valentine’s Day together, he was very sick.

The news of his diagnosis was fresh & we were in shock, reeling & scared.

We spent the day in bed, talking and not talking, together.

I don’t know that I had ever loved him as much as I did right then, with the whisper of death right on our doorstep.

I felt so grateful to have him beside me that day.

Grief is so unbelievably painful. And also, seven years later & I’m okay.

The reflection of this love moving through me and out into the world, enlarged & expanded through this grief.

There is no magic bullet to get “here” (wherever here even is). But I woke up today feeling the love growing ever brighter, bursting out of me. I owe this great gift to him.🌹