For You, Beautiful, Grieving Human on this, New Year's Eve

Dec 31, 2023

For you, beautiful, grieving human on this, New Year's Eve...

So, here we go...again.

New Year's Eve. And whether it's your first NYE without your person or your 25th, I want to honour you and the extra depth this day brings. A depth that many do not see.  

You see, New Years has a way of seeping into us. It's traditionally a time of reflection, often seen as an opportunity to turn over a fresh page.

And the complexity of this within a season of deep grief, especially fresh grief, can often cut deep in a way that feels utterly invisible.

As merry-making and celebration surrounds, our grief may feel ever more stark.

If this is you, I see you, love.

My first NYE after Brian died, I didn't want the clock to strike twelve. I didn't want to enter a new year, a year that my love would never see.

I entered that first new year, kicking and screaming.

Now this will be my fifth time doing this new year's dance since Brian's been gone. Fifth. I barely believe those words as I see them here on the page.

And what I want to share, dear grieving soul, is that this year, I am truly looking forward to 2024.

I would have never believed this was possible if you'd told me five years ago.

And yet it's true. I am here, with my grief, gently, tenderly ushering in another year with excitement and a quiet knowing that I never had before.

I'm not naive about the possibility of more heartache. I know there will be moments that will bring me to my knees again. I do not subscribe to the belief that grief ends or that we overcome it.



I want to be here for it.

I want to continue to grow and serve you all. To be a friend and a mother and a human working towards the betterment of the world.

But more than that, I want to deepen the relationship I have with myself. 

I turn 40 this year, something I never thought I'd do single or without some of the friends + family I've lost along the way since Brian's death. 

And yet, I feel a sense of letting go happening. An acceptance of this life. And an ability to see the beauty even within the hardest of moments. 

I see so much beauty in you.

In all of you who email me and reach out on social media, who join my groups + retreats. I see a well so deep, a source of strength that only comes from those who have dug the way we've all had to. 

I see YOU, however this New Year's lands. 

Thank you so much for being here. 

Please keep going, we need you. The world needs you. 



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