It's Normal To Lose Your Will To Live In Grief

Feb 13, 2024

Something that surprised me after Brian died was how much I struggled with my will to live. There was a lot of shame and even embarrassment around this because I didn't know how common it is.

This topic is so taboo, yet completely normal after profound loss. And remember, struggling with the will to live after a life shattering loss is different from being suicidal.

After losing someone who is central to your entire life, it is normal to feel like you just don’t really care if you live or die.

Because we live in a society where suicide is shrouded in shame and secrecy, it can feel so hard to talk about this.

But lacking a will to live after devastating loss does not equal being suicidal.

And more than that, it’s very common.

It exists on a spectrum and isn’t black + white.

It can feel like everything is grey. Like there is no joy in life anymore. Like every single thing that used to give your life meaning, excitement, and pleasure, has lost its spark.

It’s very common to wonder, “Does it even matter if I live or if I die?”

I felt this after Brian died. I never seriously contemplated ending my life (and if you are in that space now, please scroll down to the bottom of this blog post for support).

For me - and what I hear all the time from other survivors of profound loss - is that it often feels like we just don’t really care about living anymore.

Like, what’s the point? It can also feel daunting to imagine a life with this pain. Years + years ahead of holding this loss.

Because trauma and loss can make us do or say things we aren’t proud of, there can also be shame around who we’ve become and we may wonder if the people around us would be better off without us.

It takes time and patience with ourselves to learn how to carry our devastating losses. And to slowly find meaning and reasons to be here again. It takes so much self-compassion.

I just want you to know that you are not doing anything wrong if you feel this way. It’s normal. Have you ever felt the same? ♥︎

ps: If you are thinking about suicide or worried about someone you love, you can text or call 988 for free non-judgemental support 24/7.

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